What do people really think about you?
First impressions are complex puzzles. They are formed in an instant, before any kind of physical contact occurs and may last for the next several years. Sometimes, as in the case of once-in-a-lifetime encounters, they last forever.
With careful study, it is possible to identify factors that create good first impressions. By understanding these factors and learning how to make use of them, you can actually change the way people form their impressions of you! This doesn't mean you're going to be "faking it." Rather, It means that with practice and feedback, you will be able to control the image you project to other people. Instead of sitting back and letting others form what might be a wrong impression of you, take that first step and let them make the right impression, the impression you want them to make.
First impressions form a filter through which people think of how you must be and how you'll act all the time. It is normal. People believe they are good judges of character. There are several errors that arise in this filtering process. The first error is that people tend not to discern between a truly bad personality and just a bad situation. A man who is angry the first time you meet him isn't necessarily always an angry man - maybe he just got some bad news. You see it as a personality problem; the man just sees it as a situation. A second error is that an impression creates the "halo effect." When we meet a charming woman, we automatically assume that she is also creative, witty and confident, even if none of her behavior indicates these other qualities. Because we saw her in a primarily good light, we tend to think she is good in every other way. Conversely, if we see a man who seems aloof, we also conclude that he is uninteresting, lacking in social graces and unfriendly.
A first impression is formed by the interplay of 4 main points of focus:
Whether you realize it or not, a first impression isn't only about you. It is the sum of all the perceptions of an interaction between two people. When we feel good about ourselves, our body language expresses this and people pick up on it. If you don't like the company you are with, your actions show it, even when you think that these actions are imperceptible. A good impression also makes the other person feel good about you.
The fourth focus is a social generosity. When you are able to put your concerns and anxieties about first meetings aside for the moment and focus instead on the concerns and anxieties of the other person, that person is more inclined to feel good about himself and you. The biggest secret is this: good first impressions are all about making others feel good.
Start now. Don't wait for the next party or the next stockholder's meeting. Talk to the grocer or chat with the UPS delivery man. There are plenty of everyday situations that are low-risk and safe. If you think you'll never see the person sitting next to you on the train anyway, what do you have to lose, right? Whether you decide to take small steps like learning how to maintain eye contact or big steps like learning to strike up a conversation when you are painfully shy, there is no better time to do it than now.
It happens. You do or say something unintentional and you form a bad impression. Keep a positive frame of mind and know that you can get through this. Reflect on what you could have done better and remind yourself in future situations to be better.
There are several ways you can approach overcoming a bad impression that is made of you. You can apologize directly and ask for a second chance. This shows that you are aware that you are wrong and want to make up for it. It shows humility and acceptance. On the other hand, you can also wait for time to show you in a more favorable light. You can try the pro-active approach and try to study the other person's style. Perhaps you can find a way to complement his style. Remember, first impressions are sometimes wrong. They may be overcome.
If you make mistakes, others do too. Now that you are familiar with the erroneous assumptions first impressions make, acknowledge that you may be making these mistakes too. We are quick to judge others based on the filters we create, what we see in an instant and what they remind us of, be it of ourselves or other people we don't like. Sometimes, we pass judgment without even fully realizing that the other person is not guilty of it at all! In one study, researchers showed that when we make bad impressions of other people, it doesn’t mean they did anything wrong. More than likely, we were merely distracted by other concerns.
Before judging a fellow, consider his intentions. He might only be feeling nervous in your presence and you interpret it as being uninteresting and unconfident. She might be trying to convey that she is comfortable with you by sharing more personal information and you interpret it as being needy. Take the time to let a pattern of behavior emerge before making a bad impression of someone. It is not easy but by judging too quickly, you limit your opportunities for developing stronger, more meaningful relationships with others.
