Introduction

Key ideas

Research has shown that audience's interpretation of messages are determined 55 percent by the speaker's nonverbal communication (facial expression, body language), 38 percent by the speaker's vocal quality (tone, pitch, volume, variation), and only 7 percent by the actual words. A large part of You Are the Message is devoted to improving how you communicate on all of these levels.

We make a quick assessment of other people within seven seconds of first meeting them. We all communicate nonverbally on many different levels. It is vital to control the first impression that you make on others with some of the techniques described in the book. Try to determine what sort of instant impression do you make on others.

Once you have developed a successful level of communication, you do not change or adapt your essential self to different audiences or different media. Whether it is a conversation with a small group or a speech before a large crowd, keep your essential and natural communication style. There is no perfect communication style. You have to be yourself doing your best without any drastic changes in personality. Nobody can play you as well as you can. Perform as the "real you" at the gut and mind level. Be comfortable with who you are rather than attempt to act a role.

If you are uncomfortable with yourself, others will get uncomfortable too. Realize that you are the message. Do not change yourself because the environment changes. Rather become totally comfortable with yourself wherever you are. Take complete responsibility for the flow of communication whether you are speaking or listening.

When communicating you always have control over several factors: Time (rate of speech, pauses); space (where and how you move); eye contact; and, voice (volume, pronunciation, pitch, tone, etc.). Other things that you can control include: your state of mind and attitude; the flow of dialogue; and, the absorb-project balance.

Ailes would video his clients in a casual conversation and then in a speech situation and show them how stiff they appeared presenting the speech. He would then coach them to adopt the more casual conversational tone during their public speaking.

Besides getting video feedback, Ailes recommends that we stand in front of a mirror and try talking about a favorite topic. See which muscles move on your face. Try talking about the same issue as if you were explaining it to a child and note the difference. Ailes also recommends watching television with the volume turned down so that you can observe the facial expressions and the non-verbal communications. By learning about what yourself and others are projecting, you can eventually become a much better communicator.

Try to get feedback from others. Find out if you talk too much, over explain or lecture too often. Do you draw people out effectively, smile easily, get to the point quickly, use trite expressions or display awkward mannerisms? Are you lively or dull in the eyes of others? Getting feedback from friends and colleagues along with video feedback can be very useful for mastering an effective communication style.

Evaluate your vocal abilities. Record a speech or telephone call and listen for common vocal problems such as nasality, unnaturally high or low pitch, mumbling, breathiness, etc. To overcome these problems, buy a tape of a famous actor reading selections from literary works. Record yourself reading those same selections and compare your vocal quality. Also listen to your voice for sincerity, intensity, volume, inflection, pronunciation, and drama. Practice your control over what you are projecting.

Research shows that we have 80 facial muscles that are capable of producing over 7000 different facial expressions. Ailes recommends that we pay close attention to the nuances that others are projecting so that we can learn to project all the kinds of feelings we want.

Ailes interviewed gang leaders about how they chose their victims. He found out that these gang leaders could instinctively pick out persons with low self-esteem by the way they shuffled along with their heads down and eyes averted. Ailes uses this as an example of how people are able to make a quick assessment of body language.

Audiences tend to respond more to visual signals than verbal signals sent out by the speaker. If the speaker is somber and uncomfortable, his message is negative too. Using mental images enlivens communication. If you can see a picture in your mind and describe it, other will stay tuned in and the communication process will be more effective. Overall, audiences mainly remember concepts (idea clusters formed by the words) and emotional expressions (as communicated through the eyes, face, voice, and body).

A forced emotion convinces no one. An emotion triggered by a thought and resulting in natural expression is the beginning of mutual acceptance of ideas. Smiling originates first in the brain, then on the face. Think of someone who makes you happy or an incident that was funny. This produces a natural smile and is much more effective than a forced grin. Produce a natural smile in front of a mirror and note carefully how you look.